Let me start by saying that since I began this series, the idea of change has been the most challenging concept not only to think about, but also to articulate. Change is one of those big, abstract words like love, birth, or death.
I believe it’s because change is mostly uncomfortable, and yet even without spiritual practice is always a constant in life. I also believe that change in conjunction with spiritual practice can still illicit trembling fear.
Why is change so hard?
How can change and the unchanging spirit co-exist?
Well, for years now, I have come to accept that what we collectively fear most is not death, but life. And what I mean by that is that we can make so many changes, make transformation real, make curiosity flourish, and make creativity at the center of our living, but when it comes to change, we tend to keep ourselves in the cage afraid to unlock the gate and set ourselves free to fly.
What would happen if after all the curiosity, after all the awareness, after all the consciousness, after all the creativity, you end up meeting yourself at the gates of change, the gates of the unknown? What will happen to you? What risk lies on the other side?
What if you face death? What if your relationships change? What if you have to speak up about things that are new to your boundaries and your integrity? What if you don’t look the same? What if it’s too cold or too hot on the other side? What if you get noticed? What if you get power you didn’t have before? What if you end up doubting everything? What if you become depressed? What if you experience loneliness? What if never-experienced joy shows up for you? What if magic happens? What if it’s just too much? What if everything you thought had happened to you, your spirit actually made happen for your change to manifest?
The answer is yes!
Absolutely yes! There have been so many times when I have become so comfortable in my surroundings, so complacent that I became uncomfortable and that’s when I knew change was on the horizon. And holy crap! Some changes have been so life altering that I’m still in awe.
For instance, I dared to return to Minnesota after a decade of living in Atlanta, and three months later, I found out I was going to have twins.
Or at the beginning of this year, my husband I began reading together Money: A Love Story by Kate Northrop, and somehow we began the spiritual journey of changing our mindset and experienced a huge change from being renters, to being homeowners.
I could go on and on with evidence of trust becoming the catalyst for change…
I’m in no way saying that faith always equals twins and homes. After all, there is micro change and macro change.
What I am saying is that trust answers doubts in the form of yes.
I have died to my old beliefs. My relationships have changed. I have had to speak up. Surely, I don’t look the way I used to before twins. Minnesota is colder than Atlanta. I am noticed (lol @ the time I took my kids to the park and another mom noticed my children and commented that I must be mom of the year, which made me really uncomfortable). I have power…since having twins I’ve completed two marathons. Yep, everyday I doubt my ability, especially when I’m low on sleep. And yes, I have experienced depression, loneliness (my children keep growing up), and there are times when I feel like it’s all too much. Without a doubt, the experiences that “happened to me,” were actually the doings of my spirit for me to wake the heck up.
I am not who I was before change. My curiosity, my creativity, and all of my changes have lead me toward a richer existence. An existence to be so incredibly grateful for.
Change has re-shaped my thinking, my feelings, my actions, my having, and way of being. And looking back at my changes, I know that the discomfort came from the unknown answers to all those above questions.
And I don’t know… I have declared that change occurs when the desire is greater than the risk. But now, I am thinking that the embrace for change requires trust. That it may be true that I may not know the outcome, but the trusting myself and life through the change is essential to my spirituality, and essential to my evolving spirituality is change.
Here’s the thing… I promise this truth: Beginning a spiritual practice sparks your curiosity, opens space for your creativity, and ultimately guarantees your change. Change in your mind. Change in your body. Change in your creativity. However, if the spirit is, was, and always will be… then change only brings light to your spirit. Change sets your spirit free.
Lastly, what have been your changes, and what has been the unforeseen outcome of your changes? How did you worry about the unknown, or resist it? When did you begin to trust the change? What change or changes are currently calling out to you that might feel like discomfort or impossible? And how can you through the spiritual practice of curiosity and creativity, embrace, accept, and set your change free?